Blog Standard Stuff

I am Chim-chim Livernose

You’ve probably seen this before. It’s one of those memes that’s gone around may times before but I got a message in my inbox today at work about "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. Here’s how it works:

The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names …

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = poopsie, b = lumpy, c = buttercup, d = gidget, e = crusty, f =
greasy, g = fluffy, h = cheeseball, i = chim-chim, j = stinky, k =
flunky, l = boobie, m = pinky, n = zippy, o = goober, p=doofus, q = slimy,
r = loopy, s = snotty, t = tulefel, u = dorkey, v = squeezit, w = oprah,
x = skipper, y = dinky, z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple, b = toilet, c = giggle, d = burger, e = girdle, f = barf, g =
lizard, h = waffle, i = cootie, j = monkey, k = potty, l = liver, m =
banana, n = rhino, o = bubble, p = hamster, q = toad, r = gizzard, s =
pizza, t = gerbil, u = chicken, v = pickle, w = chuckle, x = tofu, y =
gorilla, z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head, b = mouth, c = face, d = nose, e = tush, f = breath, g = pants,
h = shorts, i = lips, j = honker, k = butt, l = brain, m = tushie, n =
chunks, o = hiney, p = biscuits, q = toes, r = buns, s = fanny, t =
sniffer, u = sprinkles, v = kisser, w = squirt, x = humperdinck, y =
brains, z = juice

I tried this out on a few names of the people linked to on the right, and here’s what I got:

• Brad Graham - Lumpy Lizardtushie
• Anil Dash - Stinky Bubbleshorts
• Doug Bowman - Gidget Toiletchunks
• Heather Champ - Cheeseball Gigglebiscuits
• Matthew Mullenweg - Pinky Bananapants
• Jessica Teeter - Poopsie Gerbilbuns
• Jason Kottke - Poopsie Pottytush
• Ernie Hsiung - Crusty Wafflepants
• Min Jung Kim - Pinky Pottytushie
• Scott Andrew - Snotty Diapersquirt
• Jessica Hutchinson - Poopsie Wafflechunks
• Simon Willison - Snotty Chucklechunks
• Tantek Çelik - Falafel Diaperbutt (Did it know of Tantek’s Turkish parentage?)
• Karen Lucci - Flunky Liverlips
• Dan Bogan - Gidget Toiletchunks (Same as Doug Bowman)
• Todd Dominey - Falafel Bubblebrains

Try it out for yourself …

Discussion lists and how to deal with them

I find this works for me, personally:

Hug me I’m a WaSP

At this year’s SXSW, I took along a bunch of stickers. They read ‘Hug me, I’m a WaSP’ and related to the Web Standards Project. As I was hoping to meet a number of fellow Web Standards Project members, I thought this would be a good way of identifying myself to others. Actually, I did originally think of putting together a t-shirt and getting it on CafePress for others to get hold of but that never happened. I also took along a bunch of spare stickers - actually sheets of the damn things - to liberally stick around as I saw fit. Having stumbled across Alison Headley’s photos today, I spotted this photo:

Doesn’t she look just so happy?! I don’t know how that one got there … unless it was from Scott. Anyone know?

Update

So, having written the above, I sent a note to Jeffrey, Doug, Tantek, Steven, Anil and Meryl - given their WaSPness and all that, to see if they knew who the culprit was. Weird thing is, although my initial suspicions were that it was Scott, I forgot to send him the note (so you missed out on all the follow-ups). A brief summary of the ensuing conversation follows:

Tantek’s response:

I couldn’t have done it, I didn’t meet her. We merely exchanged glances
across the OMNI lounge.

• I suspect Anil, in his usual way with women
• It couldn’t have been Karl, since she took him from behind
• It might have been Ian, even though he’s denying it
• No, here’s the prime suspect

You’re a smooth one, Mister Z -
he who places the mark of the WaSP upon girls’ foreheads.

Jeffrey’s response:

My expression is that of a man looking across the room at his
fiancee to be sure she doesn’t think he initiated the flirtation
session.

My response:

Maybe not guilty of flirtation, but look closely at the left hand on this NASA enhanced* image:
* [Not strictly true]

Doug’s response:

Aw, crap.

Having finally met the man in person, and… remembering that exact moment in the Omni, and … sitting at a vantage point where I saw both the photographic moment, and … was sitting close enough to where Carrie was waiting to see her glance over at Tanya with a WTF?! look on her face …

This alternative caption to the photo provided 2 solid minutes of belly-aching laughs this morning. Just hope it didn’t cause too much tension on the elevator ride up to the room that night. Priceless.

Anil’s response (and admission):

Sadly, I have to take credit. My "way with women" extends to tagging them
and releasing them, just like wildlife in a National Geographic special.

There’s a lot of things I like about working with Web Standards. The
effect that the phrase "web standards" has on attractive people is not
among the list of benefits. It’s kind of a blow to the ego.

Not that, ya know, I need to be validated.

Miscellany

Just a collection of fun links as I have nothing interesting of my own creation to add right now (apart from a mention that one of my pics is now up at The Mirror Project). The flesh is willing but the brain is dead. Actually, the flesh isn’t all that willing either on account of a team night out last night (which equals beer intake, naturally)

• Doodle of the day - like the link says, it’s a doodle. One every day. That’s it. Go submit your hand-drawn doodle or look at/comment on others.
• Artcodes collective - ADD (Analog Digital Diary). A collective database of memories, images, word, photos, animations, anecdotes, and anything you decide to include. Think of ADD as an ongoing time capsule.
• Spam archive - would anyone actually want to visit this? Surely this must be the most boring site to administer. I’d rather eat a real tin of spam than visit this site, and I hate the stuff.
• A tribute to peace - art with a message.
• Weightwatchers cards from 1974 - a sure way to put people off eating healthily. Actually, a surefire way of putting people off food. Reminds me of the similarly fantastic ‘Gallery of Regrettable Food‘ (e.g. the meat cookbook, banana recipes and the unbearable sadness of vegetables).

Miscellany

Mirror Project Submission Time

Bargain bookshops bring me out in a rash. Dreary beyond belief. However, I did see an interesting mirror in one today. The lady next to me was looking somewhat bemused by my behaviour though …

If Saddam used Pocket PC

Ready for More Parodies?

Not so long ago, the US government launched a site aimed at getting
its citizens ready for a terrorist attack. Lovely. Very reassuring. However, what they couldn’t have guessed is how many people would have a field day taking the piss out of the infographics used on the site.

Snapped at SXSW

Caught on Camera - I find myself caught in someone else’s picture doing the Ali G west side thing …

Gratuitous doggie pic

Scooby, earlier today, hearing the word ‘food’.

And one for the Mirror Project

Sleepless in Swindon

I don’t have much to say the war right now. Not because I don’t have an opinion (we all do, after all) - I guess my feeling is that there is little I could say or do to change anything whichever way I felt about it. But … I did want to
comment on how the war is affecting my sleep.

I’m not a nervy person - I don’t worry unnecessarily about things and am very
accepting of the things that I have no control over. Que sera
sera. All the same, I can’t drag myself away from the television. I’m hooked! Last
night I was sat up until 1:20 am with Sky News on constantly reporting, constantly
revealing new information. Admittedly, I was hacking away on the laptop at the
time, and the TV was background noise, but even so I could not tear myself away
from it. What if I missed something? Sleep is definitely suffering as a result!

I was reminded of a scene from comedian Denis
Leary’s No Cure for Cancer. Talking about liberal Americans oppressing
his way of life and making him feel like a criminal for being a meat-eater,
he offers this rant (one of many):

"You will eat the meat folks, because this country was founded on two
things. Meat, and war. You eat enough fucking meat, you wanna kill somebody.
That’s the way it works. That was the ultimate American dream. During that
Persian Gulf War, I was sitting in my living room, naked, with a can of Budweiser
and a three inch stake watching the war, live, on TV. I had a six foot erection
with a giant cheese burger on the end of it. I ate so much meat during the
war that by the time the war was over three weeks later, I was like, ‘No no
no. We need to keep fighting. Make a couple of stops on our way home from
the Persian Gulf. First stop! Vietnam! Surprise the fuck out of those people,
huh? ‘You make a movie?’ ‘Not this time, pal!’"

Can I just add, though, that I was only drinking tea and eating biscuits (how
terribly British of me). Oh, and the erection thing? Nope, I wasn’t that
hung up on watching war reports.

Cynthia Would Not Be Amused

From Zeldman, regarding Cynthia, an online accessibility checker:

“Alas, like Bobby, Cynthia goes down every 60 seconds.”

Perhaps Cynthia Waddell, whose visage appears cartoonified in the logo, who works for ICDRI and who is responsible for the service might have cause for complaint over that particular turn of phrase!

Part of the posse

So, I am part of Joe Clark’s posse, apparantly. Overall, I think I can agree with Joe’s perception of me. Yep, I got stage fright when he called me up there. Yep, I like Quiksilver (but I much prefer Mambo). But let me explain that Sithifrican thing …

Next time you meet the lad, ask him what’s wrong with being a Sithifrican. If he’s bollocksed enough, he’ll sing it for you.

OK, I have nothing against South Africans, before you decide to flame me. It was actually a discussion about accents - mine being one of only three British accents amongst a lot of American and Canadian accents ensured that it became a talking point now and again. Often it was because I was completely unintelligible due to my colloquialisms! Anyway, I always find it funny when Americans think I’m South African or Australian. To me the difference is clear, but then to me I can’t tell a San Francisco resident from a Californian or a Texan, so it’s understandable to a point. It’s true that the South African accent can sound quite harsh, which probably influenced the Spitting Image song from many years ago entitled "I’ve Never Met a Nice South African" - of which I could remember just two lines. It was actually the b-side to "The Chicken Song" (lyrics - if that’s what you call them - are here). Can you believe they got away with releasing this?! Anyway, for those who haven’t yet understood my point, I will re-state that I have no problem with South Africans.

Oh, and I still haven’t read Joe’s book - it’s sat there on the shelf, waiting to opened along with 5 others. Expect a review in Accessify when I do.

South By South West
Photos

Here’s the lot that I’ve managed to pull together so far. There are no doubt others, but let’s be honest, I’ve picked from people whom I met out there rather than complete strangers. I mean, that would be plain daft wouldn’t it?!

Why not look at some photos that are mine, Lia’s, Jessa’s, MJ’s, Mark’s, Matt’s, Ryan’s, Alison’s, or Doug’s?