Jesus H Christ. Am I the only person in this country who’s absolutely fucking sick to the back teeth of seeing England flags attached to the rear bumpers, rear windscreens or back windows (on crappy little plastic white flagpoles that are wedged in the wound-up window) on seemingly every third car at the moment?

Folks, you live in England, and unless you are actually foreign it’s probably a given that you want England to do well in the World Cup, so the plastering of the England flag over every conceivable space is really not necessary (please, somebody tell the likes of Asda Walmart which insists on devoting entire aisles to this shitty merchandise). Oh, and this news just in, sportsfans – the feckin’ World Cup hasn’t even started yet!
To take a drive around town of a weekend, anyone would think the world cup had actually started and people were celebrating the winning team’s victory, but sorry to tell you that you’ve got another couple of weeks until you have a license to decorate your cars like the prize idiots you are.
If you want to support the team, do it the old-fashioned way by going down the pub, queuing for the first half of the game, making your way back to the only spot in the bar where you can see the one-fifth of the projection TV screen, only to spill half of your drink as England score a goal and the crowd erupts. Before realising that the goal is ruled off-side.