Yes, we *know* you’re England!
Jesus H Christ. Am I the only person in this country who’s absolutely fucking sick to the back teeth of seeing England flags attached to the rear bumpers, rear windscreens or back windows (on crappy little plastic white flagpoles that are wedged in the wound-up window) on seemingly every third car at the moment?
Folks, you live in England, and unless you are actually foreign it’s probably a given that you want England to do well in the World Cup, so the plastering of the England flag over every conceivable space is really not necessary (please, somebody tell the likes of Asda Walmart which insists on devoting entire aisles to this shitty merchandise). Oh, and this news just in, sportsfans – the feckin’ World Cup hasn’t even started yet!
To take a drive around town of a weekend, anyone would think the world cup had actually started and people were celebrating the winning team’s victory, but sorry to tell you that you’ve got another couple of weeks until you have a license to decorate your cars like the prize idiots you are.
If you want to support the team, do it the old-fashioned way by going down the pub, queuing for the first half of the game, making your way back to the only spot in the bar where you can see the one-fifth of the projection TV screen, only to spill half of your drink as England score a goal and the crowd erupts. Before realising that the goal is ruled off-side.
on May 30th, 2006 at 8:18 am [link]
> England to do well in the World Cup
You mean, like, umm, making it past the first round?
Some quick math: 54 x 74 -1990 equals what?
on May 30th, 2006 at 8:29 am [link]
2006. I don’t get the significance of the numbers though, Tomas. Can you explain .. oh hang on. Hang on! I see what those numbers are :-D
on May 30th, 2006 at 8:36 am [link]
The outcome of the sequence can be programmatically determined: Berne, Munich, Rome, Berlin. Unambiguously.
on May 30th, 2006 at 11:51 am [link]
We’re in the process of buying a house, so the little car flags are quite a useful indicator of the level of intelligence of our potential neighbours for each property we visit…
on May 31st, 2006 at 2:04 am [link]
Subject: New Road Traffic Law comes into effect . . .
DEPT OF TRANSPORT DRIVING INITIATIVE
RE-LAUNCHED, MAY 2006.
Information Release.
As part of an ongoing Government initiative to improve the quality of driving in England the Department of Transport are re-launching their scheme to identify poor drivers and give good drivers the opportunity to recognise them whilst on the roads.
It comes into effect as from the middle of May 2006 and applies those drivers who are found to be driving badly which includes:
Overtaking in dangerous places;
Hovering within one inch of the car in front;
Stopping sharply;
Speeding in residential areas;
Pulling out without indication;
Performing u-turns inappropriately in busy high streets;
Under taking on motorways;
Taking up more than one lane in multi lane roads,
Parking in disabled spaces and
Using a mobile phone whilst driving.
These drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross, signifying their inability to drive properly.
These flags must be clipped to a door of the car and be visible to all other drivers and pedestrians.
Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will have to display a flag on each side of the car to indicate their greater lack of skill and general lower intelligence mindset to the general public.
Please circulate this to as many other motorists as you can so that drivers and pedestrians will be aware of the meaning of these flags.
Department of Transport. “
on May 31st, 2006 at 5:32 am [link]
hahaha, yeah but the country needs that carnival spirit every now and then - and the special World Cup deals on beer either ;-)
Social commentary bit: Why is it that being patriotic to England is seen as some sort of shameful act? Come to England, keep your culture, add to ours and wonder at the repression of Anglo Saxon pride in their ancestral country. I don’t have a fluttering flag - it’s permanently on my licence plates :p
Come on England!
on May 31st, 2006 at 4:30 pm [link]
Elly and I were saying the other day that it would be DELICIOUS if some enterprising thief worked out a foolproof way to take advantage of the way those flags are attached. They necessitate having the window slightly more open that it perhaps should be. Then it would be a TRUE idiot tax!
on June 1st, 2006 at 12:20 am [link]
You know, I really don’t get those flags either - and I’m a reasonably passionate football fan.
Still, I’m safe in the knowledge that car aerials are not designed for that sort of drag and tend to snap.
There’s no shame in patriotism - but I don’t personally need to stick a St George’s cross on every available surface to achieve it!
… and anyway, St George wasn’t even English for flip’s sake!
on June 16th, 2006 at 6:03 am [link]
Looking at the last few years in England - and the major screw up’s by the government, the stupid Political-Correctness everywhere and the love of any country not England - I think it’s about bloody time we showed a little patriotism.
We’re the only country in the world that celebrates everyone else’s patron saint’s day: and not our own.
Peace.
on June 22nd, 2006 at 5:24 am [link]
Mr Jon Story, there. A bastion of true progressive thinking and intelligence.
on June 22nd, 2006 at 8:27 pm [link]
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.
Your team is still doing well, Ian.
I feel the same way about nationalism: Yeah, we get it already, but your fanclub stuff away and carry on… I was never reallly a sports fanatic, and perhaps that’s why i don’t get it.
on June 28th, 2006 at 1:48 pm [link]
“Jesus H Christ. Am I the only person in this country who’s absolutely fucking sick to the back teeth of seeing England flags attached to the rear bumpers, rear windscreens or back windows (on crappy little plastic white flagpoles that are wedged in the wound-up window) on seemingly every third car at the moment?”
No you are not, unfortunately the PC brigade are ashamed that English people fly their own flag in their own country and try to ban it, they call the English flag racist and are scared stiff it will frighten our multi cultural euro state neighbors.
Personally I have four flags on my car, two for the world cup football showing the three lions symbol and two with the plain St George cross of England, why? I am English so tell me I can’t fly it and I will.
The silent Majority
P.S. They will stay on even after the football, win or loose!
on July 3rd, 2006 at 12:22 pm [link]
[…] Give me those damn flags he said. And, lo, it came to pass that far too many pound-shop mavens had to find something else to do with their investments. […]